Maybe I just didn't read the fine print closely enough. Where did it say that "mom" entails the following?
~Fishing little pieces of the paper bag the sugar comes in out of the sugar canister.
~Painting teenage son's hair blue.
~Spraying 6yo's shirts before washing them because it is severely impossible for her to eat anything without it winding up smeared on her shirt.
~Spraying 40yo's shirts because he is obviously the reason that 6yo has the same problem.
~Picking up teeny weeny pieces of paper napkin off the living room carpet after 3yo decides to "clean the carpet".
~Remembering each and every special birthday for all family members (both sides) and every single friend ever of each child.
~Reading dh's mind.
~Knowing what is for dinner every single night.
~Explaining to the 12yo why the quesadilla tastes "weird" though it was made the same way as every other quesadilla she has ever had.
~Answering questions posed by a 3yo, 6yo, 12yo or 15yo. Or any other age.