Tuesday, November 14, 2006
For the last little while, there have been things making me think a bit too much. I've been wondering if "this is all there is" to my life. I don't mean the whole immigration, living apart from my husband thing, I mean the stay at home mom thing. I've felt less than adequate, but really that could be another post, so let's just say that it's a head thing and I'm getting over it. Anyway, in the midst of this conflicted set of emotions, there have been some small moments of shall I call it insight? Sure, sounds like an apt word. Christa, for example. I watched her playing with her grandpa today and what a time they had. At one point she had him helping her feed a giant spider that was in his clubhouse. They had to feed it wehms (worms), which she had dug up in the garden in the middle of the living room. But it was a very friendly spider, said with emphatic nods of her head. Ahhh. Becca, on the other hand, was a bit tougher to get today. She was upset at bedtime but it wasn't really making much sense...she didn't want to be first in line at school as she would have to hold the door open for her classmates. Ooookay, so make sure you aren't first. Well, that wasn't it, it's that if she is first, there is nobody there to play with when she gets there. Ahhh, the social butterfly emerges. Maya's a little tougher yet, but when I began brushing her hair for her while she was on the phone with her friend, I thought she would melt into a little puddle. Sweet sweet moment. I can't pin James down as often, and that is as it should be I think. As our kids get closer to adulthood, they become less transparent, partly as a defense mechanism. After all, if mom or dad finds out too much, they will have the control back again, or worse, they might not approve of me. It's a very very worthwhile thing, this job I have been given. I don't think I am doing a terribly good job of it some days (most days) but it is mine and I will keep striving.